Can YOU control stress?

Stress is something that all of us deal with from time to time but unfortunately, there are times whenever it may get so strong that it can be difficult to handle.  Some of us may even experience anxiety attacks, a very common occurrence in today’s world.  The reality of it is, however, stress, in itself, is not necessarily a bad thing.  As a matter of fact, we need stress in order to deal with situations that come up in our lives that need a bit more attention than usual, just run of the mill, everyday issues. Thing is, although we need it, we also need to learn to control stress.

The problem occurs whenever the stress gets so difficult to handle or appears so often, that it seems to just compound itself.  There comes a time when we are seemingly unable to handle the situation, and eventually, we are going to need to learn how to control the stress otherwise it is going to ruin our lives.

One way that you can do this is by changing your thinking.  I know that sounds rather simplistic, but it is one of the most effective ways for you to be able to handle and control the stress that you are under.

If you are already at breaking point as far as your stress is concerned, it may take a little bit of time to adjust your thinking and benefit from this particular method.  The good news is, you will experience almost immediate results that you will be able to identify with rather quickly.  Simply begin to change the way that you think about stress and to look at your situation in life through a more positive aspect.  It is not necessary, or  probably possible for you to get rid of your stress altogether, that would be counterproductive.  What is necessary, however, is to learn to control stress, and realize that not everything needs to be on your shoulders, and quite honestly, there are some things that you cannot change.

If you set aside the things that you cannot change and stop fretting over them, that will leave you only with the situations or problems that should concern you.  By dealing with them one at a time, considering that the others will have to wait until you get to them, you will be able to eventually get through the list and control stress more effectively.

You may also want to set up specific “YOU” time in order to help to control stressful situations.  If your stress level remains at an elevated state for too long, it can actually affect your health and this can make it more difficult for us to get through our day-to-day activities.  That is why it is a good idea to schedule some stress busting time for yourself, perhaps through going out with friends, or even taking up a sport etc.  Even doing something for ourselves such as this a few times a month can really go a long way in reducing our stress levels.

It’s really just a case of understanding the actual causes of your stress or anxiety, then it becomes far easier to enjoy a better life, apparently without stress… If you are able to do this, it is a method that you can use for the rest of your life to successfully control stress.

Many people struggle when setting, and then achieving, their perceived goals… Most often because they go about it the wrong way.

For a start, you have to be honest with yourself, and realize what sort of person you are. That is, are you someone who thrives and performs better with big challenges and who puts their heart and soul into a certain project… Or, like most, less confident and prefer to tackle projects one step at a time?

Either way, the point is that before you start any new endeavor, you need to know what motivates YOU!

People set their goals differently, depending on their current situation, resources available, physical ability and other factors. You can, however, follow some guidelines to make sure that your goals are credible and possible. Too many individuals set their goals too high unknowingly, only to lose interest and get disappointed for life. So here are some tips on how to set goals and actually ACHIEVE them!

You Must Be Specific!

Goals need to be specific, so that you know which part of the process you’re currently in and the particular ways on how you will achieve them. Most people have goals to get promoted, get rich, improve relationships and the like, but these are very vague and your mind can become confused about what you truly mean. General descriptions usually do not have boundaries, so you always leave room for mistakes and compromise. If you want results that you can be proud of, be specific.

To be specific, you need to include the full details. Write down something like, “I want to get $10,000 by November of this year,” or “I need to become Team Leader of the sales department by next June,” or “I want my kids, Karen and Steve, to go on the school Ski trip this year.” Include the names, the position, the amount, the date and everything else needed to train your mind to start working towards that goal.

Your Goals Must Be Measurable!

Goals need to be measurable so that you can gauge how well you have done lately. To help measure your progress, you should include measurable details. For your job, you can include details such as the number of hours you’re working, the amount you’re earning, the staff you’re handling, etc. For the goal of money, you can include details such as the amount you want to have as a whole, the number of companies or businesses you own, your contact persons, etc. For losing weight, how many lbs lost per week etc. Always have things and items to be measured so you can understand how close you are to getting your goals. If your goal is to earn $10,000 a month, then you know you’re halfway there if you’re already earning $5,000 a month.

Your Goals Must Be Realistic and Attainable!

Only set goals that can possibly be accomplished (by YOU). Some people set goals that are too high to reach, so that they are almost setting up things that are impossible. Make sure you only set objectives that you can reach within a given amount of time, provided the current resources and capabilities you have. Some examples of impossible goals are doubling your salary overnight, getting a promotion higher than your boss’s position, etc. Some goals can be achieved faster compared to others if you have some strengths and strategies to back these up. Always include a strategic plan for big objectives.

Set A Time-Scale!

Set deadlines to achieve your goals, or else you’re never going to finish anything. Stay specific when setting time-lines and schedules. For example, indicate things like “To spend an hour with my wife every day starting tomorrow (indicate exact date and year)”. Setting the exact time and date will spur you to start working on your goals (and sticking to it), instead of putting it off for another available time. Some bigger goals can take years to accomplish, so it is wiser to break these down into smaller objectives, still complete with deadlines. You can then finish everything in a planned sequence to finally reach your biggest original goal.

How much of what you intended to do today, did you actually accomplish?

Far less than you expected is often normal… That’s because the pressures of modern life have a nasty habit of running right over you so that you spend most of your time “catching up”. So here’s a few tips…

Get control… Know what you have to do, and get it done. For example, when it is time to get from home to work or from work to home, you will be ready for the transition.

To accomplish this, you’ll want to think of your ‘work time’ and your ‘personal time’ as existing in two different worlds. Each of these ‘worlds’ requires different skills and a different focus, but they are both important.

You can use some of the ideas here to create a ‘transition’ ritual for yourself – one that gets you out of one world and ready for another.

To go from home to work, you can try these things:

Get things ready the night before. Don’t wait until the chaos of the morning to pack lunches and iron clothes. Sign homework and pack your briefcase or car for work the night before, so you don’t forget anything. The less rattled you are going into the day, the less unbalanced you will feel throughout the day. Set your alarm and get up on time so you don’t have to rush. Always allow enough time for that last minute emergency, if you have kids. They have a way of foiling the best-laid plans.

You can try getting up before everyone else does if you think this might work for you. That will give you a little quiet time to get things done in peace before the rest of the house starts to stir and you are less likely to forget things in the rush. Some people use this extra quiet time to have a cup of coffee and write out their list for the day. Whatever works for you is fine!

Be sure you don’t run short on time to get to work. If you have young children, you have to be creative here. A ‘goodbye’ routine is a good idea. One that is fun and easy for the kids to get into will make the drop-off at daycare a lot easier and you will be out the door in no time.

These routines take a few tries to get right, so be patient with yourself and your children. Perhaps you can make a game of the tasks to be performed on the way out the door by using the familiar ‘Simon Says’. “Simon says get your lunch out of the refrigerator”.

Have a plan for what you will do if your child is sick or if you wake up to a foot of snow and you can’t miss work.

Use your trip to work – by train, car or bus – to read a book you enjoy, make a list of action items for the day, have a cup of your favorite coffee or listen to your favorite CD or meditation tape. You’ll need that sense of Zen and organization to get ready for the day, and you’ll greet the problems of the day with calm, and focused approach…

Ok, that will get you started… But now what?

How about a FREE book? Currently, my blog readers can get this ebook free… See opposite.

Be determined to improve your self esteem and you are on your way to great achievement. Do not let your low self esteem ruin your life. The way you think about yourself determines how you interact with others.

Here are some examples of common “low self esteem” thoughts and feelings…

1. Nothing you do seems to go right
2. You believe that most people do not like you.
3. You believe that you are not attractive.
4. You choose something and it turns out to be the worst one.
5. You are afraid to converse with others for fear that what you say might not make sense.
6. You feel swallowed up in a whirlpool of frustration.

So what is really wrong with you? Your thoughts, actually.

Stop thinking that the world is closing in on you. Get determined to achieve what you desire. Stop blaming other people for your misfortunes. The world is not your problem, YOU are your own problem.

From this moment on, begin the process of improving your self esteem. Think the right way and be determined to win, and win you will. Just remember that success never comes easily and that is why determination is it’s counterpart.

Often, one gets to the brink of success and with just a little disappointment or setback, they lose heart and give up too easily and too soon. A surefire candidate for improving low self esteem. Who knows what great things might have been achieved if only they had persevered.

Without having a high self esteem, your life could be rather boring. Change your thinking and begin to see yourself on top of the world. Make a very special effort to be what you really want to be.

You have to seriously decide either to remain in a miserable state of low self esteem, or develop a high self esteem with good character and self image.

The possible origins of your low self esteem…

Low self esteem could begin way back in childhood when children are made to believe that they are worthless. Their self confidence is eroded and they succumb to the idea that they can never achieve success in anything that they do. They were picked on, laughed at, pushed around, called ugly names, and treated with disdain. No wonder they grew up to be full of resentment.

If that was your experience, it is time you cut yourself loose from that mindset and start boosting your self esteem. Start reading about the lives of successful people and you will soon discover that many of them had such low self esteem that they could not even complete an elementary education. Many decided to override their low self esteem and improve their attitude, whatever it took. They became some of the greatest men and women that ever lived.

Low self esteem has never helped anyone, and it sure won’t help you. It can only drive you into depression, anger, resentment, fear and all the other evils that it generates. Re-program your thinking and control your state of mind. You must believe that you are worth much more than you think or you will remain at the foot of the ladder and never make an attempt to climb it.

Do not waste your life away with feelings of inadequacies. Instead, think of ways to go about improving your
self esteem and consequently, YOURSELF. Success can be yours, just reach out and grasp it.

Learn how to improve your self-esteem, be confident, take control of your life, and achieve what you desire… Click Here!

Many people have everyday things that bother them.  It may be someone at work, a money issue, and the traffic on your ride home or a loved one.  No matter what the reason is, you need to deal with it and find a way to relieve your stressful situation.  There are some things that you can do to help make the stress disappear and make your life fun and happy again.

Relieving stress can be anything that you like to do.  If you enjoy long evening walks alone or with a loved one, this is a great way to relieve your stress.  You can enjoy this time to talk about your feelings and things that are causing stress in your life.

When you are at work, you need to get up from your desk or station and take breaks.  You can do this at different points throughout the day.  When you start to feel the pressures kicking in, you may need to get up and walk away.  It is important to go and take a walk or go outside and get some fresh air.  Give yourself time to gather your thoughts and take time for yourself.

Getting plenty of exercise is very important.  You will need to make sure that you are getting the right amount of exercise that will help you feel good about your body and it will also help to clear your mind from stress that can build up.  Eating right is very smart too.  You need to eat a balanced diet that will give you the essential nutrients that your body is going to need.

You can also take long rides in the country.  Getting out of the house and getting some, fresh air may be what you need for a nice pick ‘me up’.  This is a great opportunity to take in the sights and the different atmosphere that surrounds you.  You can take the drive alone or with someone special to make it wonderful romantic getaway.  Plan a romantic picnic lunch for you and your special someone as well.

Taking a hot bath is something that works to relieve any kind of stressful situation.  You can take the time to fill the tub with hot water and lots of bubbles and this will give you the safe haven that you are looking for to ease out all of your stress. Light some candles for the aromatherapy that your mind needs to get it relaxed and feeling free.  This will help to take away the stress and the problems that take over our body and mind.

Drink a cup of your favorite tea.  You can sit back and relax with your favorite brew and enjoy a good book or watch the stars in the sky.  This is a great method of relaxation that your mind and body needs to relieve the stress.  You will be able to appreciate the time that you have to yourself and let your mind wander freely.

When you know how to calm your stress and your body, you will find that you can deal with more situations and the stress is not taking over your body.  You will be able to break away from the cycle that stress can cause and this will bring you back to place that you want to be.

Just as willpower is an essential factor in achieving success, at some point in time, discouragement and lack of motivation may hinder you from reaching your objective.  And it is up to you, and you alone to devise techniques that will help you keep that drive within on fire…

It is helpful to have visual goals. whatsoever that is you are working towards, make it visual. It maybe something material like a car, or a vacation you have been looking forward to for the longest time. Take or cut out a picture of it and post it at a conspicuous place at work or at home where you can see it often. So that when you feel discouraged, this will remind you of your goal and will help you keep your spotlight.

Make a contract with yourself. According to motivational researches, people who write down to-do-lists are far more triumphant in achieving their intended goals than those people who just keep mental lists instead. Putting something in writing somehow makes it more powerful psychologically speaking. This may also be the basis why most cultures have such a high regard in honoring contracts. In the contract, you may also include a certain reward that you will give yourself once you have accomplished the task.

After all, everyone likes to be rewarded for completing a good job. Even a simple pat on the back, “good job”, or “thank you” may do the trick to give the person the additional push to carry on, but unfortunately, these may not
always be readily available. Considering that these are also essential in keeping yourself motivated, you must learn to find a way to get that encouragement on your own through pleasing yourself.

Abusive people lower your self-esteem and bring you down. Get these negative people out of your life. Surround yourself with positive people. Imitate their example. Smile often and think happy thoughts. These will give you a brighter outlook and lets you see a clearer picture of what you really want and a fresh mind to know what steps to take to get there. Rather than wait for things to happen, try to be proactive and MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Inactivity idles the brain and stagnates your potential to reach your goals.

Read inspirational books and literature. These will help you improve your attitude and heal your mind. A book of success stories also proves to be encouraging. You will not only learn from others’ experiences and derive confidence boosting insights from them but the story will be instrumental in motivating you to go for your goal and move ahead with your plans. If this still seems to falter, get training or education.

Usually, not knowing how or where to start is frustrating. Knowledge is power. Having a clear understanding of how and where to start is empowering and it will provide the extra drive needed to hit the mark you are aiming at and follow it through.

Having enumerated all these tips and tricks to attain self-motivation, but still you seem to feel lacking that much needed drive, there is one last thing that you must try.

Whatever it is that you have been meaning to do, or wanting to achieve, JUST DO IT! Keep on aiming high and go for it! Actually getting your hands dirty best solves the problem of motivation. By “forcing” yourself to just do it, your momentum will pick up gradually as you go along and before you know it you have finished the task or have finally achieved your goal. Divide and conquer is the key.

Break down the apparently unattainable activity to small doable steps. Not only does it become less overwhelming, but seeing the “in the meantime” results will further your confidence that it can indeed be done.

Lack of motivation happens to us all, but if you do not encourage yourself to accept opportunities and be challenged, no one else will. It is most important to keep your eye on the goal, find ways to keep going, and in no time, you shall reap its benefits.

And if at the beginning you were just doing it for the material reward, you will also learn to realize that the fulfillment, satisfaction and self-achievement you derive from reaching your goal is a much enjoyable high that will keep the drive within constantly burning.

Unlock the secret power beyond positive thinking. Finally develop the confidence and motivation to really make a big difference in your life. The  “Investing In You” course includes MP3 Audio and Ebook.

I thought I’d round off this current series on “Relationship Advice” with an example of how you CAN get your love back, even if the situation seems to have gone too far for you to redeem…

Katie made a major mistake.  She saw Brad talking to her best friend Andrea and thought he was flirting with her.  Katie worked herself into a fury and broke up with Brad.

It turns out that he was really consulting Andrea on how to put together a surprise romantic Valentine’s date.  He was really hurt that Katie would think so little of him and didn’t want to have to do anything to do with her after that.

You may think that you can not win your love back after such a situation.  But let me tell you what Katie did to get Brad back.

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Brad wasn’t talking to her, so she couldn’t discuss the situation with him.  But she could write him a letter.  She got some nice paper and hand wrote an apology.  She admitted that she had flown off the handle.  She also told him what she liked about him and about the relationship.  Finally, she expressed gratitude for his thoughtfulness in planning a romantic date.

Then, she shut up.  She didn’t call, text or email him for a week.  By not pestering him, she gave him time to work through his emotions.

After a week, she sent him a short and sweet “thinking of you” email.  She kept it casual.

Brad was obviously nuts about Katie because he was willing to go to the trouble of impressing her on Valentine’s day.  But, he was also hurt.  Because Katie had apologized and given him time to work through his emotions, he was able to respond to the “thinking of you” email.

The night he got the email, he called Katie.  She tried to keep things light and fun.  Brad appreciated that.  So, he suggested they meet for coffee and Katie agreed.

Katie went out of her way to look like a million bucks.  She wore the earrings Brad had given her for Christmas and she put on the perfume that he liked so much.

Katie decided that she would only talk about positive things.  She especially tried to bring fond memories into the conversation.  She also asked about his family because that would reinforce their shared history and closeness.

Brad appreciated this.  He loved Katie and didn’t want things to end.  But, he didn’t want a repeat of the situation either.  He needed to be reassured that their life together wouldn’t be filled with needless drama.  He also needed to know that talking to another woman wouldn’t set off fireworks.

The couple agreed that they would take the relationship to a less intense level.  They would really court each other again.  They would stop taking each other for granted.

A year later, Brad and Katie agree that the break up may have actually saved their relationship over the long haul.  While Katie initially flew off the handle, her calm handling of the situation afterward made it possible for them to move on.  She showed you can win your love back.

If you would like to see more articles like this here, please leave a comment as appropriate. In the meantime, I wish you all the best for your future happiness…

Continued from Part 2… Whether it’s on a monthly, weekly, or daily basis, you should make the effort to squeeze in some couple time…

Of course, every marriage has a different set of circumstances, so you’ll need to work out a customized date schedule to suit your situation.  Do try to sit down and discuss this with your spouse so that both of you can agree upon which specific day(s) of the month are just for the two of you.

As for the dates themselves, they should go by a few general guidelines to make them effective.  First of all, they need to be meaningful to you both.  Whatever activity or outing you have in mind, they have to appeal to you emotionally.

I suggest that your dates should be a sort of reminder of your early days as a couple.  This allows you both to remember the things that brought you together in the first place.  For instance, if you first met on the dance floor, then you can go back to those times by setting a fortnightly or monthly ballroom date.

As we mentioned before, these have to be out of the house if you can manage it.  Making the effort to dress up and go out will stimulate you into going through the motions of keeping your love alive.

While you can have rituals like vegging out in front of the TV and having a snack before turning in for the night, there also has to be an evident commitment to make time for each other at an outside venue.  It can be a weekly trip to the planetarium, or a nice coffee date where you first met.

Whatever it is, your dates are best done at a special place aside from home.

Although there aren’t any hard and fast rules set in stone regarding the length of your dates, they do have to be long enough to allow you a nice conversation or the opportunity to renew your intimate connection.

To give you an idea, why don’t you try taking up a sport, or get back into doing some of the hobbies or interests that you enjoyed before you met? Physical activity is a great way to diffuse tension brewing at home and relieve the strain on your marriage.

Try engaging in sports that will either allow you to compete against each other or co-operate against other opponents.
Generally, a minimum of one to two hours seems to work for many couples.

Another suggestion we have is for you to take part in some community work or any activity with a social cause.  If  both of you would be inclined to do so, this is a great way for you reconnect in a way that also benefits people and organizations who need all the help that they can get.

For example, volunteering to read books to the elderly or sick, help out at your local food shelter, or a fundraising community group, will help you bond and make you think of the things that you might be taking for granted as a couple.

The bottom line is that your dates should have no creative limits; as long as they can help you renew your connection in a tension-free setting, then you are doing the right thing for your marriage.

Life-threatening emergencies notwithstanding, the important thing is that you make a solid promise to one another to keep your regular dates and rituals etched into your respective calendars.

Even in your weakest or most trying moments, those dating rituals and dates may be the one thing that sustains you and saves your marriage.

And don’t forget, if you want more advice that is going to change not only your marriage, but the way you live the rest of your life, you must check out Save My Marriage Today.

Continued from Part 1… Rituals are habits or practices that should be little reminders of your love for one another….

They can be something as simple as passing by the bookstore where you first met, or choosing to sit in a certain section of the movie theater where you had your first kiss.

Dates also serve the same general purpose, but these are social functions done outside of the house.  You can do those special rituals as part of your date, or separately for certain occasions. The important thing is that both things are done on a regular basis.

Another significant reason behind dates and rituals is that they keep the emotional connection alive by constantly creating and updating an exclusive pool of shared experiences.

After all, there should be some compartment of your marriage that’s reserved for only the both of you.  It is this private feeling for one another which serves as your foundation and must be preserved at all costs.

A lot of busy couples make the excuse of ignoring these things, thinking that they can put if off for another time.  When it’s a marriage we’re talking about, what you take for granted today can be whisked away tomorrow.

It’s very unhealthy to assume that things will stay the way you want to without making enough effort to keep it as such.  Keeping a regular schedule for dates (and any rituals found within) should be part of your regimen to keep your relationship fit.

Here’s another way of looking at it: not investing enough time in your marriage puts that sense of intimacy at great risk.  Often called by many as the “spark”, the emotional closeness you have with your spouse will keep you from falling apart when you run into problems.

It doesn’t take a relationship expert to realize that you need to drop everything once in a while and enjoy each other’s company to keep yourselves from being miserable.

Marriage is work, but all work and no play makes for a very dull marriage.  Once that dullness sets in, it can cultivate an atmosphere of coldness and detachment.  I don’t have to tell you that those are two very ideal factors for cheating.

In a nutshell, it is always in peoples’ nature to seek something that they feel are lacking in their lives.  In the case of an estranged spouse, he/she may choose to capture that “falling in love” feeling with another person that they are superficially attracted to.

Simply put, any partner needs to have the feeling of being loved and validated by their spouse.  Without it, they could very well go off chasing after someone else to satisfy that basic necessity lacking in their marriage.

This is one of the biggest reasons why people cheat on their spouse.  If they can’t get enough happiness from their current relationship, a “starved” partner might justify running off with another person to satisfy their needs.

In short, going on dates and observing couple rituals keeps you focused on each other, and not on people outside the marriage. These things allow you to remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place.

Essentially, you are preventing a gap to grow between you both, lest that void be filled by someone else.  It’s important to remember that it’s way easier to prevent a problem from getting out of hand rather than fixing the damage resulting from negligence.

In today’s troubled economic times however, both spouses need to work just to make ends meet.  As such, couples have to sacrifice their “we time” in order to pay the bills.

Yet you should bear in mind that the marriage you are trying to sustain needs more than just financial support.  The emotional and romantic aspect of your relationship needs attention, too. Therefore, all couples must make time to reconnect with one another.  Whether it’s on a monthly, weekly, or daily basis, you should make the effort to squeeze in some couple time.

The 3rd and final part of this article will be published tomorrow… If you need more information NOW… Click here!

Any marriage will inevitably face a battery of storms during the course of its life cycle. Some couples may face bigger problems than others, but the one constant in any relationship is a series of tests and trials that will occur over the years and decades.

One way or another, you and your spouse will have to go through your own unique set of conflicts. When it comes to marital problems it’s always a question of “when” rather than “if”.

For many couples, the root of their difficulties doesn’t lie in their actual problems, but in their lack of preparation. Some think that being merely aware that married life isn’t perfect will be enough to help them get past conflicts.

However, foresight is much more than just anticipating the problems ahead – it also has a lot to do with taking precautions in order to deal with them.

That is why a regular habit of preventive maintenance is important in preserving any investment you make in life. With something as precious and priceless as your marriage, you should be mindful of the things you have to do today in order to strengthen your foundations on a long-term basis.

Think of your relationship as a tree; reinforcing your roots will make it difficult for any storm to yank it out of the ground.

Specifically, regular dates and rituals are some of the most practical but vital measures you can take to preserve the health of your marriage. Cars break down when they are neglected or miss their scheduled check-ups.

That’s basically what life is all about: constant maintenance that keeps everything in good working order. A little tweak here and a minor adjustment there go a long way in keeping your relationship from going off-course.

When you make the conscious effort to clear a chunk of your time for your spouse, it signifies that it’s in your interest to keep each other happy. Not only that, every date you keep or ritual that you habitually observe are small but infinitely powerful affirmations that you want to stay with your partner for better or
worse.

Whenever you make the effort to leave the kids with your parents during Friday night movie date, you are also renewing the vows you made at the altar.

As an aside, I would like to point out that while rituals and dates should be part of your marriage, there is a distinction between them. Rituals are habits or practices that should be little reminders of your love for one another.

Watch out for part 2 of this article tomorrow…

If you want more advice that is going to change not only your marriage, but the way you live the rest of your life, Click Here